Tangled Yarn, Tangled Thoughts, Tangled Feelings
Learning to loosen life's knots
Recently, I met with my BioSpiritual Focusing (BSF)* partner via video conference. We meet several times a month to guide each other in the BSF process.
Starting out, I felt a general feeling of unsettled emotions and an overall tension throughout my body. As my Focusing partner guided me through the process, he invited me to notice what my body was wanting to share with me; what was present and real. Was there a story that needed to be heard?
Attune
As I let the chair support my body, I began to notice a tension growing in the back of my neck. My partner suggested that I sit with this part of me in a loving and caring way. As I did so, over several minutes an image arose in my mind of a jumbled ball of tangled up yarn. I sensed a connection with this image; I’m a life-long crafter and have crocheted since the 7th grade. Part of me got excited and the words “Oh! I know what to do about that!” arose in my mind. I know that if I try to pull hard on one strand of yarn, it will only result in a tighter knot that requires more work to untangle.
For whatever reason, (which doesn’t really matter), my body is sharing a story through this image of a tangled ball of yarn.
Image: tangled mass of light-green colored yarn over a wood background
I often feel like my mind tries this strategy: if I could just ‘figure out’ (an overused and unhelpful phrase) where the problem is, I can know how to respond. And be done. And move on. But life’s problems are never like that. They’re always entangled with other parts of our lives. Pull on only one strand, and things will not get better, but will become more tense, full of more emotion, tension, and overwhelm.
The more I sat with this tangled ball/neck tension in a loving-caring way, I noticed that there was more unfolding happening. At that time, various parts of my life were tugging at each other: preparation for being away from home and work, anticipation of time with friends and family (hello skiing!), attending to a chronic personal health condition as well as the health of my wonderful elderly kitty, to the intense, unrelenting and immense heaviness of the nation’s current situation. It feels like it’s too much, so unrelenting, heavy, and tightly wound. I can become angry and overwhelmed trying to make sense of it all and feeling like nothing will ever change. How did this knotted mass begin? How do I untangle it all?
Savor
If I think about how to approach an actual tangled mass of yarn, I know exactly what to do!
The way to untangle is to be gentle!
Video: gentle approach to untangling a ball of knotted yarn
Don’t try to yank too hard on the strands but look closely and gently test where they might release and where they tighten up. Often, simply holding the ball of yarn gently, tossing it from hand to hand, frequently shaking it out a little bit can help me see how I might address the entire ball, and often results in de-tangling without much effort.
I followed my own instructions and support from my Focusing partner and sat with this tension in the back of my neck along with the image of gently attending to this part of me like I would to knotted yarn. I put my hand on my neck to further relay a sense of presence, love, and support to this part of me.
Image: long strands of untangled yarn
Within moments, the tension in my neck begins to release and I find tears forming in my eyes, as I hear a voice within saying “That’s all I ever wanted you to do! Be gentle with yourself!” This is not a new voice to me but one that arises from time to time during my Focusing experiences. I’m grateful for the reminder. In this moment, I find that I am in connection with the Divine, amid the tangled mass that is my experience of life in this moment. I sit for some time with this new feeling of being understood and of listening to the wisdom within my own body.
Image: untangled yarn, lovingly wound loosely into a ball
My neck is relaxed, having released its own tangled mess of muscle tissues, tendons and fascia, and it feels free and moves easily. I have a new feeling of lightness within my body; a new sense of confidence and comfort. A natural movement towards a sense of deep gratitude arises that I send to my entire body. My body receives this gratitude with love. I’m surprised by this encounter, that I can tap into a well of wisdom within when I least expect it.
Flourish
I take deep breaths, and then go for a walk in my neighborhood, delighting in the natural world around me. I try to use this loving-caring and gentle approach towards myself the rest of the day. The feeling lingers.
This entire experience is a prayer. I don’t need words to say (especially the ‘right’ words); I learn to be with the Divine within myself who is always present. The Divine observes my tangled strands of life right there with and within me. There is no distance between us. They are present, always! I leave this encounter with a new understanding of myself and how I can live in times of uncertainty and overwhelm.
*For more information about BSF:
https://biospiritual.org/
https://focusing.org/biospirit